This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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