my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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