it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
