You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
