I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
