well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
