I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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