Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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