i don't plan on having that self control this summer
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Randomize
