im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
