Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
