I'm going to jail i love you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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