4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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