i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
