The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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