I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
