omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
