Ambien. No doubt about it.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
