But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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