i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
People in love make me want to vomit
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
