i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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