i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
