remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You're like the curious george of whores
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
