I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Someone signed my nipple.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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