I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
