Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
