just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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