you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
