Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
