Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
