I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
