Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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