i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize