Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
