Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I will be naked everywhere
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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