the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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