Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
And then he peed in my hair
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