I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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