I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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