Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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