dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
why do cheetos always look like penises
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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