your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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