I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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