im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
