Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
