It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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