I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
