i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
