my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
