I got chris browned last night
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize