dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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