I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
