Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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