For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
