i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
