dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
