that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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