Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
