whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
