If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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