She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I could make wine with my vomit
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
