my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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