just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
