I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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