He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
