My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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