Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Swine flu is the new snow day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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