I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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