I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
