I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
