my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
