That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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