Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
