Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
