So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize