your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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