Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
