I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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