I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
