yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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