I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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