He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize