So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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