I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
