Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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