I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
