She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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