just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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