Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
