that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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