We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
