you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
